MY DARK SECRET

It was so hard to accept the fact that I was Gay..that I was different. I kept telling myself that maybe it was just a phase I was going through...that it was just a narrow street I was walking through and someday I will come out of it. But the older I became, the more convoluted things got.

I somehow blamed the internet for all of this...I never fully understood what being Gay was. After everything that happened, I thought...It was just something wrong with me. That I was alone in this and if I said something to someone they would think I was a psycho and put me away..

Instead, I found the internet [or was it the internet that found me] and it opened me up to the world...to the world of homosexuality. Despite what I went through that wretched summer vacation as a child, I began learning things and instead of hating it...I begun embracing it and later I started loving it..

Living Gay and actually believing you are Gay can be so different for me. I have been living a gay lifestyle for five years but never truly believed it. I never admitted to myself that I could be like this. My parents had hopes of so much things ...but it’s all shattered now... all because of me. I can never tell them the truth, I cannot stand to see the hurt in their eyes, the disappointment… not after what they went through for me…what they sacrificed for me.

It wasn't until recently, I sat down and scrutinized my life, what I went through, what I enjoyed, what I hated and I finally understood, I finally accepted... that it wasn’t a phase, it wasn’t some street I was walking through. It was my life and it was time I stopped hating myself and start loving ME.