MY DARK SECRET

Hello world.

its 11.54, i jus woke up and clean myself. i was up all night waiting for the bf to come home from clubbing. at first it was jus a co workers lime till 8- den it went to 10 and den he ended up goin to a club which lasted till...well u know.

i have come to realise last nite-that i cling too much-i dunno-but at times wen he is not around i dont feel like myself. its been so long since we are together. yet if he is out late or decides to sleep out by family i cant sleep or anything.

i dropped my friends wen we met cuz well dey were all single and he thought it might hav caused problems later on. even now-i dont have much friends-well i have only 2 friends who i am comfortable liming wit and well i have no real str8 frenz. an its not his fault-i jus feel like y do i need friends to go out wen i have u.

but he doesnt feel d same way- so i tink i might hav to reconsider-i prob need to get some friends so that wen he is out i wont go all haywire and shit. i dunno- i guess i am sort of a looser if u tink about it-i rarely go out-its always work and home-it wasnt so before tho- for the first 2 years of being together we were out mostly everyday but that changed suddenly afer having some experiences ( later post)

our relationship started weird actually (later post).... and i tink it may be d reason for whats happening now. i accept that most of it is my fault. since im d one dat doesnt wanna hang out or go out or get upset when he is out- so i will try to change. it seems like being me isnt workin out-i dunno. i am confused. i didnt mean for this post to go on so long but i guess-well my life have some shit in it that i need to work on.

he neva came home dis drunk b4-he cud barely hold himself up-i had to go outside to bring him in. after he staggered in last nite, he went straight to bed and dream land-shoes and everything- i took off his shoe and clothes-and i dunno y tears was streamin down my face-im a cry baby i guess-i dunno. during d nite i was texting him but he seemed upset-well i was upset dat he was out so late so i guess he was upset becuz of that.mayb daz y he drank so much-i dunno-i didnt ask-all i asked was 'did u hav fun' and he replied 'yes'.

dis morning he woke up early-got dressed and stuff-kissed me and wished me happy anniversary and went to work.