MY DARK SECRET

It looks like the hurricane season is finally catching up, last I heard was that there are two storms heading westwards, far from us though...*hambug*

I really hate to be in town when it rains, its absolutely disgusting. I act like such a little school girl when I am walking through POS after it rains. The whole of town stinks and reeks of piss. You should see me tiptoe-ing about as if I was barefeet.

Well life on my end is okay for now-the usual ups and downs with the husband. lol. We all know how that can be. One thing though, when you are horny, it doesnt matter how vex you are with the person. You must make up lol...

A few days ago, a few days after one of our big arguments, he went to bed early. We havent been talking to each other for about a day or two. I was up reading some stufff for school and my mind just wondered off and kinda started thinking about sex. I slipped in a porn on my laptop and in no time my cock was throbbing and aching to be serviced. I jerked it a bit while watching, just teasing myself. Precum was leaking off me.

The porn was going great, a white young american teen was being gang banged by 3 black thugs!! Darn, I wanted to cum so bad, I havent fucked him in a while and neither did he. I was deliberating whether I should jerk off or wake him up for sex.

I continued watching porn for the next half hour until i couldnt take it anymore. I went to bed and started kissing him while jerking his cock. In no time he responded and his cock woke up. He took control of my cock deep in his throat. I went on top of him and started kissing his chest and neck, he was squirming as I moved closer to his cock. I teased him by running my tongue up and down his shaft but not putting the head in my mouth.

I reached for his balls and cupped them into my mouth while rubbing his hole. I then started rimming him and he was squirming like crazy, begging me to start fucking him. I moved back to his cock and started deep throating him, he held my head pressed down while he fucked my mouth.

I was in a 69 position sucking him and he was rimming me. It felt so awesome. Fuck it was good. I dunno whay happened to me, but i blurted out.... fuck me honey. I want your cock up my ass. He said, but I want you to fuck me to. LOL...Since I top most of the times, he decided to let me be the bottom

He continued rimming me occasionally sticking his finger up my hole. Then he lubed me up and got on top of me. I was so honry it slipped right in. He layed on top of me kissing my neck and ear and asked if I was okay. I said...just fuck me... which he started doing

I got it all the positions I knew about that night. He was pounding my ass good. I had no idea I could have taken that. He was enjoying himself too> he kept yelling...honey..you ass is tight... The bf is different from me.. He could fuck for a good half hour or so... I didnt complain, I enjoyed getting his fat cock up my tight ass.

I didnt even have to touch my cock and it was twitching to cum. He lifted me off the bed and unto the ground. I wrapped my feet around his back to keep myself from sliding down. He held me and started fucking me against the wall. I couldnt take it much long..


I screamed out...i am cumming...he continued fucking me ...harder and harder. i could feel him all the way inside me....as my cum squirted before me, I felt his cock throb inside my ass..filling me with his cream.. He kissed me and said.... Honey that was good...


Dont you think?

I've noticed an error prompt whenever I try to load certain blogs using Internet explorer 8. However, when using Firefox, everything runs fine. First I thought it was a problem with IE8 until I realised that only certain blogs prompted me.

After sitting and almost going crazy with the annoying prompt, it finally dawned on me. it must be one of those widgets I added on my blog, and it makes sense to because some blogs load smoothly while others dont!

Now, how do I figure out which widgets contain bugs that is causing the prompt without removing them one by one?? Well I have decided to make a list of all the blogs I follow and compare widgets and see which ones produces the prompt.

Below is a picture of the prompt I get when I try to load. I would really appreciate if you can leave me a comment indicating if you experience this annoying prompt too. The picture is a bit blurred, incase you cannot understand the words, here is what it says ... Internet Explorer cannot open the internet site http://www.livingasecret.blogspot.com/. Operation Aborted



Thank you

Hello world.

its 11.54, i jus woke up and clean myself. i was up all night waiting for the bf to come home from clubbing. at first it was jus a co workers lime till 8- den it went to 10 and den he ended up goin to a club which lasted till...well u know.

i have come to realise last nite-that i cling too much-i dunno-but at times wen he is not around i dont feel like myself. its been so long since we are together. yet if he is out late or decides to sleep out by family i cant sleep or anything.

i dropped my friends wen we met cuz well dey were all single and he thought it might hav caused problems later on. even now-i dont have much friends-well i have only 2 friends who i am comfortable liming wit and well i have no real str8 frenz. an its not his fault-i jus feel like y do i need friends to go out wen i have u.

but he doesnt feel d same way- so i tink i might hav to reconsider-i prob need to get some friends so that wen he is out i wont go all haywire and shit. i dunno- i guess i am sort of a looser if u tink about it-i rarely go out-its always work and home-it wasnt so before tho- for the first 2 years of being together we were out mostly everyday but that changed suddenly afer having some experiences ( later post)

our relationship started weird actually (later post).... and i tink it may be d reason for whats happening now. i accept that most of it is my fault. since im d one dat doesnt wanna hang out or go out or get upset when he is out- so i will try to change. it seems like being me isnt workin out-i dunno. i am confused. i didnt mean for this post to go on so long but i guess-well my life have some shit in it that i need to work on.

he neva came home dis drunk b4-he cud barely hold himself up-i had to go outside to bring him in. after he staggered in last nite, he went straight to bed and dream land-shoes and everything- i took off his shoe and clothes-and i dunno y tears was streamin down my face-im a cry baby i guess-i dunno. during d nite i was texting him but he seemed upset-well i was upset dat he was out so late so i guess he was upset becuz of that.mayb daz y he drank so much-i dunno-i didnt ask-all i asked was 'did u hav fun' and he replied 'yes'.

dis morning he woke up early-got dressed and stuff-kissed me and wished me happy anniversary and went to work.

As my small hands grasp his erected "piggy". I notice the look on his face. His eyes closed, looking up. Moaning softly telling me "yes...yes" He then puts his hand over mine and moves it back and forth in a jerking motion. Then he lets go leaving me to jerk him off. All the time he keeps his eyes tightly shut.

It continues for about 10 minutes, and I notice how wet he is. I guess now I understand what it was....precum. Back then I thought it was Pee LOL. My hands grew tired and I began slowing down, getting ready to stop because I was feeling weird and scared doing this.

As I gradually slowed down, his moans stop. I then let his "piggy" go and at that moment...his eyes opened. He looked at me, so angry. I have never seen X stare at me so before as if to burn me with his eyes. I could swear he was gonna do something. " what d fuck yuh think yuh doin" he bellows. I start stammering, trying to say..... but he cuts me off and says "get yuh hands back here before...."

I didn't wait for him to finish because I was scared what he might have done if I didnt do as he said. His "piggy" is much softer now and this seemed to have made him more angry with me. "look at wat yuh do"..."play wit it an make it hard"...He grabs my hand and puts it on his penis once again, forcing me to jerk it fast as if to get him hard without any delay.

Sure enough within seconds, "Mr. Piggy" was all hard and throbbing. Precum leaking around and making me squirm cause it was so gross!! Ewwwwwww......it was touching my hands. X was comfortable again. His head faces up with his eyes closed and the moaning continues. I had to switch hands often cause this was so tiring.

It felt like forever I was stooping beneath the house, faced over his "piggy" jerking uncle X off, I started wondering why he had me doing this...what was it doing to him...what would happen if anyone found out....what would they think of me, my thoughts was interupted as his "piggy" became tense snd started to thob more. His moans became louder and his eyes slightly begins to open and he yells at me...faster faster. I try my best to keep at it fast but I am tired and I as start slowing down again...something squirts out hitting me on my face. I was about to stop but he says "dont fuckin stop yet"..so I continue jerking him off as this "milky" looking thing squirts all over my face and upper chest, then as his "piggy" stops throbbing, he puts it back into his boxers and make his way from under the house leaving me there to clean myself with my T

I've been browsing alot of blogs lately and I noticed that some users are including small features to make their blogs a little more interesting. I especially enjoy The Blue Wolf's special feature "Good Idea/ Bad Idea and I have decided to add my own little piece called "Humor me"

I will randomly post a funny picture which I hope will ignite a few smiles while you browse through my blog.

Should you find any of my pictures offensive, please contact me using the botton located on the sidebar and I will have it removed immediately.

Hi readers,

The BF and I just had an argument, it seems like its happening a little more regular these days and sometimes for even the smallest things. Is this a sign that things are getting worse? Have we reached the end of the line?

I really do not want to give up on us, but sometimes aggghhhhhh. I just came home from work, tired-so I decided to come online, read my blog, update my facebook etc and he gets angry for that. As long as I can remember, he always seemed to have a problem with my "relationship" to the internet. I don't know what he thinks might happen to "us" when I am online.

Anyways- I am not perfect myself, I have recognised some things which I can work on-such as not making a fuss when he comes home from work and just throw his clothes about, or leaving his shoe where ever he takes them off etc. I can be very anal sometimes when it comes to stuff like that. I am sort of- NO- I am a neatfreak.

So here I am, writing away, where is he? He is in the living room on his laptop and looking at "the nanny" on TV. I can tell you how the evening is going to end. I will stay in my room-he will stay outside, then about 8 or 9 I will shower and head to bed- He will have something to eat, then shower and come to bed, by which time I might be asleep. Tomorrow he will leave for work and then we wont see each other till tomorrow evening. Sigh....

Such is my life.....these days

It’s been a while since my last post and let me apologize for my negligence on my story. My internet was down for a while and even after being back up, it was really difficult to start writing again, I guess the wounds I have dug up have started growing a scar. I don't have broadband internet yet so still rely on the old dial-up internet! Yes....you heard right, One may start wondering exactly where do I live since I am still dialing up. But that is not important.

The last time I wrote I mentioned I was molested or abused by my younger uncle. It was summer vacation as you may have remembered reading and I was vacationing by my grandfather. The place was so hot inside, I can’t remember the presence of a fan. Well, it was X's idea to go under the house. Back then, there were a lot of wooden houses around, erected a few feet above the ground. It wasn't that high but enough to accommodate someone stooping about below. I don’t remember exactly why he wanted to go under, but I remember stooping behind, following him as he motioned for me to hurry so that no one will see us.

It was really dark under, although it was so sunny outside, my grandfather had a lot of plants around the house and I figure that must have kept most of the light out. Anyways, so we are under the house, somewhere in the middle, away from the edges which were not too far from the street. Hidden by anyone stooping down who might happen to see us. Well X was wearing just a boxers as he usually do when he is home, and I, well I was fully clothed. I wore a pants, a jockey and a T-Shirt. LOL.

X started talking about sex, I really didn’t know what sex was until that day when he explained the birds and the bees or rather what he knew about it. All the time, X kept groping himself while telling me about the penis and how big it can get etc etc etc. I was confused when he kept mentioning Penis, I didn’t know what he meant when he used that term and I guessed he saw the confusion on my face and reached out and grabbed my “piggy” and said to me “ that is your penis” Then his penis which was fully erected by now, slips through the slit on his boxers and hangs out. It was surprising to me though, that he didn’t seem embarrassed that his “piggy” was showing.

Instead X smirked at me, and asked, have you seen how big it is, to which I replied yes. He looked at me and said to come closer to him which I did. X sat flat on the dirt, leaning against a wooden prop which was holding up the floor boards. His hard “piggy” was now sticking straight out his boxers, revealing a very big red head. For some reason, I was hypnotized by the sight. Mine was so small and almost invisible, the head that is. The skin seemed to be rolling back and it throbbed just sticking out “looking at me” or rather vice versa.

His next question really made me scared, I really couldnt answer, instead, I stooped there....just lost for words, confused.... "will you like to touch it"...but even if I had an answer, he really didnt wait for it. He grabbed my hands and placed it on his penis, trying to make me wrap my small fingers around his thick "piggy".

I really must depart now, but will continue on another post.

I will like to sincerely thank you for taking the time to read my posts.

No, I didn’t kiss a girl, but if I did I am not so sure I would like it…or would I? I am actually referring to Katy Perry’s lead single for the album “One of the Boys” released in 2008. The song topped the Billboard Hot 100 chart. The song has since become a major worldwide hit, and along with the United States, it has topped the charts in more than 30 countries, including Australia, Canada, Ireland and the United Kingdom.

Anyways, what I am getting at is if this song was performed by a male, I wonder if it would have received the same response as it did now! Somehow, I can’t help it but notice that society can be a little more welcoming towards gay women than gay men. Why is that?

Does it have anything to do with the fact that women are more emotional and affectionate by nature? I can’t understand why society may be confused if they see two men being affectionate towards each other. Why is that? Is it because men should not be affectionate towards their own sex? And if so, who made up that rule? Probably back in the day when men were more barbaric it was suggested that we are not capable of being affectionate and thus setting some sort of stance that men being affectionate is not natural!

I really don’t know, but I wish I knew… well that was just something that came across my mind and I decided to share it.

Ps, I love the song by the way…very nice :)

I never really spoke about it because I never really accepted it as I mentioned before. I do not feel like I am in a bottom-less pit anymore, I no longer feel that I am the only one. I had the opportunity to read some other blogs which have given me an ounce of courage to dig up the scars that I tried to conceal over time. I know it will bleed and cause some pain, but I am prepared to finally try and understand what happened so I can heal and forgive myself. I will reveal my story as much as I can dig up without breaking down uncontrollably…

I can’t remember how old I was exactly but I do remember being in primary school. He wasn’t much older than me, just a few years if I can remember exactly. Probably mid teen, about 16 or 17 I guess. We did not spend a lot of time together because of how far apart we live from each other. During the Easter holidays or maybe Christmas if I did well in my class exams, my parents would send me for holidays by my grandfather.

Holidays was always the best times of my life, not being in school! No work, no teachers…no headache. My life then was pretty simple, I can’t remember having any problems, I was as normal as they come. Actually despite everything that happened, right up until I was seventeen, I considered myself to be normal. I had no reasons to think otherwise. But now as I go back to that dark time, I am now starting to understand why I thought I was normal.

I have put so much effort into hiding it, making sure no one suspected. I did such a good job at it that I also hid it from myself. But it was still there, lurking in the back of my mind and no matter how much I suppressed it , I couldn’t deny its existence.

I was the oldest child for my parents, I always wanted a bigger brother and maybe that’s why I bonded so well with him. He always cared about me. He was so young and free-spirited. Spoilt really if you ask me. sometimes I ask myself if he knew what he did to me. if he ever thinks about it. After it happened, it was never mentioned again. I wonder if the whole ‘incident’ just vanished from his memory. I often put myself in his shoes, trying to understand why he did it. His mom died at an early age, he was 6 or 7 I think. He had 7 brothers all older than him. I wonder so many times ?

I respected him so much though, although he was so young. I couldn’t deny his role in my life. So many times I was left under his supervision when my grandpa went to work. And it was on one of those occasions it first happened. The first time my father’s brother touched me….

It was so hard to accept the fact that I was Gay..that I was different. I kept telling myself that maybe it was just a phase I was going through...that it was just a narrow street I was walking through and someday I will come out of it. But the older I became, the more convoluted things got.

I somehow blamed the internet for all of this...I never fully understood what being Gay was. After everything that happened, I thought...It was just something wrong with me. That I was alone in this and if I said something to someone they would think I was a psycho and put me away..

Instead, I found the internet [or was it the internet that found me] and it opened me up to the world...to the world of homosexuality. Despite what I went through that wretched summer vacation as a child, I began learning things and instead of hating it...I begun embracing it and later I started loving it..

Living Gay and actually believing you are Gay can be so different for me. I have been living a gay lifestyle for five years but never truly believed it. I never admitted to myself that I could be like this. My parents had hopes of so much things ...but it’s all shattered now... all because of me. I can never tell them the truth, I cannot stand to see the hurt in their eyes, the disappointment… not after what they went through for me…what they sacrificed for me.

It wasn't until recently, I sat down and scrutinized my life, what I went through, what I enjoyed, what I hated and I finally understood, I finally accepted... that it wasn’t a phase, it wasn’t some street I was walking through. It was my life and it was time I stopped hating myself and start loving ME.

Dear world,

I am so weary of hiding the veracity of my sexuality that it feels like an immense encumber which I am forced to carry around on my shoulders, weighing me down together with the falling sky all of which seems to have banded together to crush me to the ground. The deceit I carry exist only because I am too terrified to do anything about it. But what can I do in a passé society where the people are too narrow-minded to even accept the fact that everyone have a right to live their life as they desire?

A lack of understanding and a few bad eggs have made it impossible for any of “our kind” to enjoy a normal life here. I am talking about effeminate guys who have blinded the world with the idea that all homosexual males act the way they do which in my opinion can be a bit uncomfortable to be around. I stand by my statement that everyone is entitled to a life of free will. Sadly though, in a country where homosexuality is against the law, even if you decide to come out and live normally, it’s no difference because of the stigmatization we have created.

So making it through each day is always a battle no matter how “straight” you try to be. Instead we are forced to be someone we are not. We feel obligated to pretend to love things we essentially dislike. I have had so much instances where I do things just to fit in so as to not to be perceived as being different. Some time ago, I am out with my co-workers having drinks at a sports bar when one of the guys points out a female who is really attractive and says to me , “don’t you think she is just sexy, won’t you like to be with her”? and because we fear that our secret will be revealed if we refute the statements, we instead lie and tell them what they want to hear.

I wish sometimes, that things could be different, not with me, but with society. I am comfortable the way I am. I am happy being gay and in the closet but life would have been so much easier and smoother if people would understand what homosexuals face on a daily basis. I am not asking for pity…..I am just asking for the respect every human being deserve, because despite how we choose to be sexually we are still human beings. I am repulsed by the idea that society has given gay people an image to be ashamed of.

The only silver lining on this cloud is the fact that I am not alone. There are other guys like me who thinks about the same things I do. And it makes me feel that there is a small piece of hope somewhere waiting to be found. A little faith can go a long way and if we all hold on to whatever little we have, things will certainly look better!

Hi… I live in Trinidad and I am Gay